Cocktales & Wet Dreams

I’m quite an indecisive chap and when spoilt for choice, I often struggle to make a decision, so when I first logged on to Grindr (in Soho in London, of all places!) I was instantly overwhelmed and didn’t quite know where to start. I’m not too modest to admit that I’m better looking that most people and arrogant enough to confess that despite being accustomed to hardcore partying, copious amounts of drugs and sex sessions since my teenage years with boys, girls, boys and girls together and this one time at band camp, a variation of somewhere in between the two (!), I have maintained both my boyish innocent gaze and nicely toned body…assets perfect to shine as the new boy on Grindr!

It was an extravaganza! I was like a child in a sweet shop, excited by the sheer quantity and variety of what was on offer. But this wasn’t an ordinary sweet shop, this was modern, unique, fast-paced, crazy - the ultimate sweet shop for the 21st century’s modern gay. Not only was I hugely content by the variety and volume of what was on offer, but better still, the quality seemed excellent! Of course there’ll always be a couple of those irritating, sticky, old-fashioned humbugs on offer, but with so much so great, they were easily avoided. Straight into sampling conversations and exchanging photos, my phone continually, frantically beeping and buzzing alerting me to new messages all the time, I was amazed at how many horny gays there were in the vicinity logged into Grindr at that moment in time (around 3pm on a windy Wednesday), I simply had to meet one; window shopping just doesn’t do it for me…

I’d clearly ruled out doing any work that afternoon; I was just too excited about my inaugaration into Grindr that I shortly arranged to meet a fellow ‘Grindrer’. Wow! Embarrassingly, my heart started to throb, my cheeks probably started to blush, I had to maintain some cool though; I was in the office like any normal afternoon, so I just left the building, with no knowledge of where I was heading. Knowing that ‘horny4meet23’ was 125m away, I set out to find him. Meandering across Oxford St, staring down at my iPhone (appearing as any other media executive constantly on email would), all the while chatting to my new potential buddy, I was unaware if I was even heading in the right direction.  After aimlessly wandering for a few moments, he sent me his exact location on a map.  It wasn’t only my heart that had started to throb by now as I turned around to head to the exact place he was at; a little road just off Regent St, literally a stones-throw from where I was standing. I picked up my pace and told him I’d be there in less than two minutes. We discussed what the other was wearing (photo authenticity on these sorts of occasions can never be 100% guaranteed - we’ve all met people in real life from the Internet only to find out that their profile pic was from ‘Tenerife 1998’ and that 5,000 pints later, pasty and with a red nose, they’re not what you’d subscribed to!) just to make our meeting more subtle and seamless.  Oh my goodness, this was suddenly becoming the start of a traditional blind date…I was in amazement at how one normal afternoon at work had suddenly been spiced up! How exciting! Could Grindr have even injected a sense of romance to my lust-fueled life? Unlikely, I’m sure, but still, I had the anticipation of a child entering a sweet shop for the first time.

Then the sudden realisation hit me. Although my entire body was excited at the thought of my imminent date, what would we do after meeting? In fact, what would we do when we met? Embrace like young lovers who’ve been apart for years? Or shake hands in a business like manner as I would another peer? Needless to say, I opted for the latter, being the true romantic I am. We spotted each other as soon as I turned into the small street that resembled an alley, which only heightened the sense of mischief and debauchery to me.  There were very few other people around, I smiled cheekily and coyly as our eyes locked and slowed down my pace as he walked to approach me. ‘horny4meet23’ was even better looking in real life than in his photos. I find it so humbling and refreshing when guys do that. He looked great in his photo so you can imagine how pleased I was by the flesh. I could see he was equally content (or perhaps more so) as we shook hands and introduced ourselves formally.

‘horny4meet23’ or Ian as I then found out (I think I preferred his original name if the truth be told), wasn’t shy. He was so keen that I could see his hard-on through his jeans (impressive through thick denim I thought) as he gave it a quick rearrange with his hand in his pocket. We were stumped though; where could we go? How could I get my wicked way with this great looking man? Substantially taller than me, shaved head, slight stubble, green eyes and with a lovely face and smile, I wanted to see more and shake more than just his hand…

We both knew that the other had to get back to the office very soon indeed and that this would just be a brief, initial meeting with the purpose of assessing the possibilities of going back for more - a little like a customer who’s entered the sweet shop and sampled one sweet in anticipation of a potentially sizable order. But equally, we also knew that you never just try one sweet, once you’ve started you crave more! After getting slightly too touchy-feely on the street, I spotted an annexe which led from it (I think it’s used as a loading bay for one of the big Regent St stores) and we both headed there hastily to crave some of our greed. We had a surprisingly soft, sweet kiss considering the macho messages and introduction we’d exchanged earlier, but shortly after, the aggressive passion picked up pace and I shoved my hand down his jeans. He was quick to reciprocate. He had, as I’d thought from his not-so-well-hidden hard-on in his jeans, a pretty big cock. What a shame that due to time and circumstance all I could get was a quick shuffle down there with my hand. There was barely even much space for me to get in there to offer much slap and tickle!

But the whole episode and the speed at which it all happened was nonetheless hugely exciting and certainly better than sitting at my desk pretending to drum up some actual business in this recession, but as with all good things, this moment of passion had to end and the reality of life had to set back in. The working day was almost over anyway so I knew it was time to head back to the office. I reminded Ian that I hadn’t even started tucking into my huge lollipop order that I’d hoped to make and we promised that this wouldn’t be the last time we met. As we had our final kiss and grope and then walked away in separate directions (with the spring in my step being weighed down by my heavy balls), I started to hear Grindr’s buzz, alerting me to the forty or so new messages that I’d received since meeting ‘horny4meet23’.

So, back to reality indeed, but now with my new trusted fuck-buddy-provider in hand. ‘horny4meet23’ has already sent me a message. He’s greedy for more. We arranged to meet at our spot at 6pm (only a couple of hours later!) and that he’d come back to my place for a real sweet feast!

If you’re a gay or bisexual man reading this and don’t yet know what Grindr is, you’re going to love me like I love the (straight, female) friend that told me about it! In short, it’s a gay cruising iPhone app, which has seen a huge rise in users since its promotion by Stephen Fry on Top Gear. It allows users to register for free, upload a photo and short profile and then start cruising for the nearest cock in town. It uses GPS and can track down the nearest gayboy on heat often within 50m accuracy. On one occasion I logged on in a pub in the West End to find that the closest ‘Grindrer’ was in fact only three metres away! Needless to say, this app has done wonders for my already sordid and casual sex life, which is one of the reasons that prompted the launch of Cocktales & Wet Dreams; I thought it only fair to share the exploits of a young, single media executive (with a hedonistic view on life centred on sex with other men) with the rest of you. So where better to start than the day I discovered Grindr…

Welcome to this new blog; the Cocktales & Wet Dreams of a London young single gay (mostly) professional. More coming soon…